Scarred Nobody

HI!!! Hooray for wifi!

Lol well let's see, I stayed up all night last night (seriously, I did not sleep at all) and then I went to school and turned in my design project, concluding my finals!! And then my mom drove me home and we got back at noon and then I finally got to go to sleep. And then I slept until 6, and then I had dinner, and now I have to help my sister with her art final project. And then I'm gonna go to sleep. Yay!! So yeah, that's what I've been up to lol ^_^

I hope you can get on at least somewhat often, but I still think a small break will be good for you :) And NOO I haven't finished yet!! I'm in the middle of reading another book right now. But I have to read it in chunks because every single page makes me cry D:

Oh okay, good. I was getting pretty concerned.... glad to know you're okay ^_^

Take some time off, it'll be good for you. I'll talk to you when you are able to log back on!! :)

Needs moar Sharpnel.

That's awesome :)

Oh wow, I love Stewart and Colbert, that's a damn godly line up. Do indeed want.

Epic! :'D Is it similar to the anime?

Really? It's on that often? O_o Definitely will watch, because I like what I've seen of it.

Here is XION!!!!!

Lol I know I was up until 6:15 because I got caught up in watching Kannagi (it's extremely addicting O_O) and then I was like "Crap!! I have a ton of stuff that I wanted to audition for!!" Lol. So then I was going to wake up at 10 because I had to meet my acting group at 11 so we could rehearse, and I remember turning off my alarm and closing my eyes for just a few seconds... and then I looked at the phone again and it was 11:30!!!! And I was like "WHAT?!?!?! OH NO!!!!" So then I got ready as fast as I could and practically ran to Starbucks (where we were meeting). Thankfully they were alright with me being late, and it turned out one of the other guys just got there 15 minutes before me anyways. But then we worked till 3 instead of till 2 -_-

That second one is awesome, I'll give you that. Sadly, I can't use it for this. It's not just the character, so I can't really cut her out accurately. I'd have to hand-draw a few parts of her to make it look right, seeing that I don't think that the little wispy things would look good on the background that I already made. I have a little bit of an idea of what you want, and I'll give that to you next time we talk. Wait, I have your e-mail. Would you rather I e-mail it to you?

Anyway, I ran out of space with the images getting pasted together, so I had to kinda improvise. It looks like **** in my opinion, but whatever. It's what you think, really, that matters. Different tastes in color and the like, y'know.

So, to do list for you:

1.) A good pic of Yuki, preferably a render or other image with a solid color background. The color doesn't matter that much.

2.) Check out the rough draft that I have now. Do you like it?

That's about it! Talk to you later. I'm going to bed...

'Night!

God, I've still yet to see more than a few minutes of an episode of Scrubs. I really should change that. B|

Do what's best for you ^_^ Maybe you should sleep on it?? *hint hint nudge nudge*

Okay, thanks ^_^

I'm at the perfect age where I can pull out the "I'm still a teenager" card when I have to and the "I'm an adult" card when I have to, because I'm both!! Yay!! Hahahaha XD Wow, they'll have a New Moon scene already?? That was fast...

Hey man, wassup?

*Notices background*

Saw this coming. Good choice.

Lol you're welcome. And pissed, steamed, same general idea, I expected something along those lines ^_^ Yes, don't feel the need to tell me everything if you don't want to. But I'm always glad to give you advice when you need it. If you want to take a break from this site for a while, maybe that's a good idea. Do something creative for a week or so, and take some time for yourself. Just tell me before you disappear so I don't worry, okay??

You're welcome, I say it because it's true :) And I still apologize, even if you don't think I need to, because in that case, it's not for you, it's for me, to make myself feel better/not guilty or anything :)

Haha I'm an adult! I have no bedtime!! I do have to get up and work on my scene tomorrow though... meh, oh well. I can sleep in on Sunday. That's cool that someone recognized you ^_^

The Yuki one didn't work. "404 Error" or some jazz like that.

There's nothing to forgive silly. Like I said, I'm not mad at you or anything. And I love you like a brother too, so that's why I said what I said.

I'm glad that you're a little mad at me. That means you really read what I wrote and paid attention. That's all I wanted. And I'm glad that you took time to think about what I said. You're not acting like a jerk by wanting to stay mad; you're acting like a human. Humans get angry, and humans stay angry, even when we know we shouldn't. You just have to let your emotions run their course. If you want to stay angry at me for a while, then that is totally fine. Don't fight it okay? Be angry with me, yell at me, get it all out of your system. I'll still be here when and if you're ready to forgive me. Even if you think I did nothing wrong and that you're the one who needs forgiveness, you're wrong. I know that what I said was hard to hear (read?), and I am sorry for that. However, I know that that is what you needed to hear. Even so, you're going to be upset with me for a while, because it's not what you wanted to hear, right? So I need to give you time to forgive me, and I understand that. Take your time, and don't rush it because you think my feelings will get hurt or I'll forget about you or give up on you or something silly like that. I can wait. I will wait.

And if you want to just rant without me giving advice, then just tell me, and I'll let you rant. But if you don't tell me then I'm gonna tell you what I think, so be prepared for that in the future, okay? I just want what's best for you. That's all I want.

And I know that your heart problems make things hard for you, and I'm not going to pretend that I have any idea what that's like. That's something that you're going to have to overcome yourself, because nothing I can say as someone who's never dealt with that specifically will really help you. I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be okay, and that I know what you're going through, or something like that, but I can't, because I honestly don't know what it's like. Even though you've explained it to me, for me to pretend that I will ever fully understand how hard it is for you would be a lie, and it would be irresponsible on my part. But I do know this: You are a very strong person, Jose. I've only known you for a little while, but I can see that so clearly. I know that it's hard for you to see, because when you look in the mirror maybe you just see an average kid, someone who's no different from anyone else, someone who's not special. But you're wrong. You don't see yourself clearly. Hell, no one sees themselves clearly. We all have this distorted image of ourselves, and none of us can ever truly see what the people around us see when they look at us (I had a whole mirror analogy here, but I read it over and it made absolutely no sense -_- It made sense in my head... but oh well, on with the essay!). But do you want to know what I see (figuratively speaking of course, since I can't actually see you.... but it's the same idea)? I see someone who has overcome a great hardship, something most people in this world will never have to face, and someone who still has to deal with that obstacle every day, and is prevailing. Someone who is strong, and a good friend. I see someone who may need a push in the right direction at times, but always has the best of intentions, and always tries his hardest at everything he does. I see someone who will go very far in life, as long as he doesn't let his own doubts and confusion hold him back. Do you want to know why you don't see what I see?

You're not looking hard enough.

It's easy to focus on our flaws. It's much harder to look past those flaws and see who we really are underneath. But just know that it's there, even if you can't see it right now. Someday you'll uncover the you that everyone else is able to see. Oh!! It's like that Fruits Basket quote!! "Maybe the reason that you don't see it is because it's stuck to your back. What I mean is, a persons admirable qualities. They're just like say, a pickled plum on a rice ball. In other words, the person's the rice ball and the plum is stuck to their back. So all over the world you could have rice ballsmade with all sorts of wonderful ingredients, all different flavours and shapes and colours, but since it's stuck in the middle of everyone's back, someone could have a plum and not even know it. They'd look at themselves and think "I'm so plain, nothing but white rice." even though it isn't true, because turn them around and sure enough, there it is...there's the plum. So if someone is jealous of somebody elses then it's probably because it's easier to see the plum on someone elses back than your own. Yup, I can see it, I can see it very clearly... you don't know it but you have a great big plum on your back."

...I should have just explained it with that quote in the first place -_- What is it with me and quotes today anyways??

Okay, I'm rambling now. So I'll stop. I'll go back to watching Kannagi (a new anime I discovered!! It's so awesome!!). Talk to me again whenever you feel like it, alright? If you feel like you don't want anything to do with me for a week or so, then that's fine, I won't mind. Like I said, just take your time :)

Oh, and on a side note... you're mom read my message?! GAH. She probably thinks I'm a terrible, mean, harsh person!!! D: And you went to Wal-mart at this time of night?? Crazy person... you should be sleeping!! Get to bed young man!!

(God this took forever to type up... I wrote so much O_O)

Well, uh... The tiny man might bite you! You never know! xD

And, yesh, that's what I had in mind. Just give me a general idea of what you want and I'll do my best to do it. =D Like, give me a few images, a color scheme, a general theme, (Gothic, fruity, bright, fantasy -- that kinda thing). But don't make it too complicated! I don't want to stay up all night. Oops! Too late... xD

Hey, uh, by the way... Can I help you out with a new banner for your profile pic? I would love to use my new-found graphic design skills to some end. I'm also trying to make a video about Zack and Aerith, but that's gonna need to happen when I'm more awake. Now, art I can do in my sleep! So, how 'bout it? O_<

Why are you sorry? You didn't hurt me. You were only hurting yourself. Y'know, we're all lucky to have ol' Fady on our side. Without her, who's to say that we all wouldn't have gone insane by now? Granted, I think that I already am, but that's beside the point. xD I think that she did a great job and I think that you handled it well, too. So, I say, once again, WELCOME BACK. I'm being nice for a change. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. >.<

Welcome back, you emo *******! xD I joke, I joke! I kid, I kid! I need to stop reading other people's convos... But, regardless, I'm glad that you're back to us as tummer, the Great Otaku Prince of Otaku-ness. xD Yays!!!

*takes deep breath* Okay, tough love time. I didn't want it to come to this, but I'm obviously not getting through to you. PLEASE READ EVERY WORD OF THIS. TWICE.

You're acting like I was reprimanding you or something. Please calm down. I feel like you're yelling at me. By telling me to try and see how you're feeling right now, it's obvious to me that you aren't really understanding what I'm saying, or you're choosing to ignore it. I do know how you're feeling, and I'm trying to help. But I can't if you don't want my help, which I feel like maybe you don't, and that you just want to rant. Ranting is fine, but just let me know so that I won't go giving you advice you don't want.

And umm I'm not that much older than you... I'm only 18... I'm still a teenager and I still have teenage emotions. You're talking to me like I'm an old lady T_T Don't act like I don't understand just because I'm older than you, because really, we're basically the same age. I think you're ignoring my advice because "I don't understand/don't remember what it was like" or something like that. Well guess what dude, I'm going through the same emotions as you. And mine are probably ten times worse because I'M A GIRL. You have no idea what the emotional roller coaster ride of being a girl is like.

And I've never ever wanted to kill myself. That is a dangerous and selfish thought. Suicide is the most pathetic, selfish act there is. People never think about who they're leaving behind and the pain they cause other people. I would never want to do something that would cause the people I care about so much pain. And I would never want to leave this world as a coward. Sure, I get depressed, and sometimes I feel like I hate my life, but I always stay away from the extreme of suicide. It's idiotic.

And if you come back from this message and say "See, I knew you hated me/I annoy you/I make you angry" I will seriously turn my computer off. I can only tell you the same thing so many times. You are my friend, and I want to help you, and I'm happy to listen, but when you say things like that to me, it makes me feel bad/exasperated/like I did something wrong. I like to help people. I do not like to baby people. When you talk to me you should know by now that I'm not going to sugar coat things for you just because we're friends. That is not helpful to anyone. You may be extremely angry/upset/offended at this point, and I'm sorry for that. Take a while to cool down if you're mad at me for this. I'm trying to help you. Like Dr. Cox says, "Some [people] need you to hold their hands, and you should. Others need you to kick their asses, and you absolutely should do that, too. But, it really all just comes down to whether or not you got the guts to say just exactly what you know in your heart of hearts you really should say."

Take this or leave this. I'm just saying what you need to hear, whether you like it or not. I'm your friend, and as your friend I am going to tell you the truth, and just hope that you take it with a grain of salt.