Harry Potter Spoilers

It was a dark, cold night. Lord Voldemort (henceforth known as Tommy) approached the small - but certainly not poor - Potter house. He poked the locked door with his wand, as a green light began to emit from the lock. The door creaked open... "Wha--! You!" James cried out loud, shielding his eyes from Tommy's rather disgusting nose-less face.

"Why have you come!?" James yelled at the top of his lungs. "What do you want from me!?" Tommy grinned. "James Oswald Potter the Third, I want... your life!"

James' pulse skyrocketed, as if every vein in his body was tingling, alive with energy. "MY MIDDLE... NAME... IS NOT... OSWALD...!"

James ran outside, trying to distract Tommy from his precious wife and son, both of whom were in their respective bedrooms. It was a frantic chase scene -- so frantic, in fact, that my poor vocabulary would not be able to do it justice. We shall just say it involved many thorns in various areas of the pelvic regions, and a lot of backfired spells. Realizing that he could have just killed James this whole time, Tommy raised his want and did just that. James fell to the hot, dirty, sticky, gooey, creamy ground at once. Dead!

Tommy thrusted his body into the Potter house, and with every ounce of energy left in his makeup-covered body, he made his way to Harry's bedroom, where Lily was breastfeeding him. "I... did not need to see that..." Tommy let out without thinking about what he was saying. "JAMES!! JAMES!!!! WHERE ARE YOU, JAMES?" Lily cried as tears began to embrace her cheeks. "James is dead... just like you will be in mere seconds!" Voldemort raised his wand. Harry let out a screeching cry and his mom got scared and said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."