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A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the
Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it
took to build.

'Twenty years', replied the guide.

'You Indians are a lazy lot,' the tourist said. 'In my country, this could have
been built in five.'

At Agra he admired the Taj.s beauty and asked how many years it took to
build.

'Only ten years', said the guide.

The tourist retorted: 'You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings
in two-and-a-half.'

In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have
been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the
Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: 'I don.t
know. It wasn't there yesterday evening...'

Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.
At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought
only one ticket between them.

'How are you going to travel on a single ticket?' asked a lawyer.

'Wait and watch,' answered one of the engineers.

When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e
engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly
after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet
door and asked, 'Ticket please'. The door opened just a crack and a single
arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved
on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.

So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their
astonishment, the engineers didn't buy any. 'How are you going to travel
without a ticket?' asked one of the perplexed lawyers.

'Wait and watch', answered an engineer.

In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers
into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out
of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.

He knocked on the door and said,
'Ticket, please...'

They were together in the House.

Just the two of them.

It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.

She looked across s the room and admired his strong appearance...and


wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her

from the storm.



Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out... She screamed...

He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.

He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.

He knew this was a forbidden uni0n and

expected her to pull back.


He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.

The storm raged on...



They knew it was wrong...

Their families would never understand... So consumed were


they in their FEAR that they heard no opening


of doors...just the faint click of a camera......

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a pie ce of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'

If you're not sure what a 710 is Click here

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh ... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the
wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up
there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is
going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage
that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle
was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my
window?'

'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a
genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now
that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you
each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And
I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country
in the world,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe
from fire, burglary and natural disasters!' 'And now,' the couple asked
in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'



'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now
have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right.

Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you,
honey?'

You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!'



So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the
afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about
three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly
into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'No Kidding,' he said. 'Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe in genies?'

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner.

This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, 'Skippy!'.

The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, 'Dammit Skippy!' Once again the woman smiled and thought 'Yes!' A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, 'Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she sh*ts on you!'

I got a lot of stuff to do this summer, and I don't know if I finish them all. Like finish an amv I'm making, make a few other amvs, perfect my left shot, make some pics with photoshop, make a program with visual basic, follow a training program to improve my power, speed and fitness in soccer, participate in a local soccer tournament with my friends and a lot more.

So what about your plans?

A bank robber walks up to one of his hostages and asks "Did you see my face?" The hostage replies "Yes." The robber takes aim and shoots him in the head.

He turns to the next man.."And did you see my face?"
And he replies....."No but my wife did"