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Finally, a definition of globalisation



I can understand and to which
I can relate






Question : What is the truest definition of Globalisation?







Answer : Princess

Diana's death.







Question : How come?







Answer :





An English princess with





an Egyptian boyfriend





crashes in a French





tunnel, driving a





German car





with a Dutch engine,





driven by a Belgian





who was drunk





on Scottish whisky,





(check the bottle before you change the spelling),





followed closely by





Italian Paparazzi,





on Japanese motorcycles;





treated by an American doctor, using





Brazilian medicines.











This is sent to you by





a Canadian,





using Bill Gates's technology,





and you're probably reading this on your computer,





that uses Taiwanese





chips, and a





Korean monitor,





assembled by





Bangladeshi workers





in a Singapore plant,





transported by Indian





lorry-drivers,





hijacked by Indonesians,





unloaded by Maltese wharfies,





and trucked to you by Kiwi freeloaders






That, my friends, is Globalisation!

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.



Sincerely,


The Dog

WIN 2 TICKETS AND ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARES TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING , CHINA.

To participate is very easy, just view the attached photo, correctly
answer the following questions and send your answers to:
International Olympic Committee,Private Bag,Lausanne,Switzerland .

1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?

Good Luck!





I guess you're not going either.

Tomorrow's the deadline, no more headaches waiting for it
I don't know what to do
Please lend me courage and please no questions

A wife mentioned to her husband that for her birthday, she would like something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in four seconds.
She was expecting............





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But instead her husband presented her with...
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The husband remains in a critical but stable condition!

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful
servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has
forgotten the gift."
A. Einstein

This has to be the best illusion ever created.





If you look at the above images from your seat in front of the computer, Mr. Angry is on the left,
and Ms. Calm is on the right.
Get up from your seat, and move back 12 feet, and PRESTO!! they switch places!!





It is said this illusion was created by Phillippe G. Schyns and Aude Oliva of the University of Glasgow.

Does this prove that we sometimes may not be seeing what's actually there?

One afternoon, an older gentleman was driving down the freeway when all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, he was pulled over by a state trooper in hot pursuit.

The police officer strutted up to the driver's window and asked the old gentleman, "Sir, didn't you know that your wife had fallen out of your car about four or five miles back?"

The old driver exclaimed, "Thank Goodness! What a relief! I thought that I had gone deaf."

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. "No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly - Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer said.

The little old lady driver replied, "Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
'Try it now,' said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?

The bee answered,









]

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.



John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?'


His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'



For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?'



Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'



Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted .



' COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!'



Meet Coldwater.....................

These are deffo good examples.. ;)

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime of her career, started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office.

Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office.

During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"

To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself, 'Thank goodness I'm not a gynecologist.'

Davidson came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Davidson sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river. Look, my suit is still damp. Then I ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Davidson," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."