Could you check out my fanfic?
Hi everyone, I'm on a new fanfic idea again! Pls read and tell what you liked about it, and on how I could improve! --- Chapter 01: Sephiroth’s challengers, the new bearers On a seemingly peaceful day in Radiant Garden, a young male ran towards the edge of the city. The hole in the wall that the Heartless created during the Heartless war a few years ago was being repaired. It takes a while to fix such a great hole in a wall like that. Without stopping, the young male rushed towards the building site. People tried to stop him, but he seemed determined. While passing through the giant hole in the wall, Sleeping Lion appeared in his hand. With one well-aimed swing, he knocked down the support beam of the crane, and fled further towards the Great Maw. Arrived at the Great Maw, he saw another male standing, watching at the sky. He wore a dark cape, and had long, silver hair. “Sephiroth!†the male called out, appearing Sleeping Lion again. Sephiroth peeked over his shoulder. Seconds later, he faced the sky again, grinning. “Well well... And who might you be?†Sephiroth grinned. “My name is Apok.†the male answered. “Rumor has it that you’re one of the most powerful swordsman of this world! I wanna see if it is true, fight me!†“I’m looking for Cloud... I don’t want to play with amatures... like you.†“I don’t know who this Cloud is you’re talk about, but do you also know how to fight?†Apok said, challengingly smiling. “Very well... I can use a little amusement anyway.’’ Sephiroth said, as he engaged in a battle stance. Apok charged at Sephiroth who teleported behind him, and went for multiple slices with his katana. In a swift move, Apok blocked the powerful blows of his opponent’s insanely long sword. Sephiroth jumped in the air and quickly lunged at him. Apok tried to bash him away, but Sephiroth was way too quick. After one powerful slash, Apok got on his knees. He was defeated. “Hmph. Good work... I expected you to fall after the first blow, but you continued.†Sephiroth said, whipping his hair backwards. Apok silently growled, as he made his way back to Radiant Garden. Sephiroth grinned. He was about to make chase after the weakened Apok, but was stopped by a mysterious female. “Don’t let me down, Guardian Soul...†She said in herself, when flashing her Keychain. She caught Sephiroth by surprise, and managed to get in a hit, causing Sephiroth to back down for a sec. “Fog! He’s too powerful! We can’t take him on, not even both of us!†Apok called. “I’m not willing to fight this person! Get back to town, I’ll be right there!†Fog commanded. Apok nodded and made a run for it. Fog turned to Sephiroth again. “Stop trying to amuse me.†Sephiroth said, as he raised his katana in the air. “Descend, Heartless Angel! †he called, as he drew a circle with his index and middle finger. Somehow, Fog felt her energy draining out of her. She turned on some device on her wrist. “Apok, have you arrived?†Fog asked. “Almost there, but it’s time you get movin’!†Apok answered panting. Fog was struggling to stand, the curse is getting on her. She didn’t hastitate and ran towards town. Sephiroth grinned; he could’ve started chasing his defenseless victim, but the curse would kill her anyway. Now that he’s finally left alone, he turned around, facing the sky again. Fog turned on the device around her wrist. “Apok...†she coughed. “I need you to pick me up, I feel so... drowz...†those were her words before she passed out. Apok's breath stopped for a second. He turned around for Fog. Luckily, she was quite close to Radiant Garden, so finding her wasn´t too much of a problem. “Fog! Wake up!€ Apok said, as he grabbed Fog. She wasn’t moving, no matter how much Apok called her. Apok decided to get Fog on his shouder, and carry her to town...
Even though it's a bit hard to read, it's a good begin. I'd suggest paragraphs instead of those squares though.
Heh, congratz!:)
Heh, I know! How are you?
Ow, must've hurt. Well get better!
Why are you swollen? Attacked by bugs or something?
Hi how are you?
I loved the comics! I've got hundreds of Garfield pockets in my clauset! The movies where not bad either, but never even came close to the funnyness level of the comics!
She's something of a Disney addict:) She invited her class for her wedding this week, and guess what songs where played: A Whole New World - Alladin and Love Will Find a Way - Lion King II! But still, I'm the greatest Disney addict of all!:D
“You’re Galmar?†Iroh said, cocking his head. “Well then, tell us a little ‘bout that eh.. mission!â€
Hey! That's one cool profile pic!
NO! *sneaky clicks on the dragons*
I think it has to do with one thing she said in the World That Never Was: "You know Sora's completely hopeless without us!" I think especially the fangirls didn't like that at all..
Billy Zane has an awesome voice!
I think Kingdom hearts II is much better than Kingdom Hearts RE: Chain of Memories. First of all, the voice actors are cool. Second, I don't like remakes of a golden game.
I actually can't choose between Donald and Mickey! Goofy is also funny, but not so much as Donald and Mickey.
Yes, that sounds logical.
You fight against/alonsgside some guy dressed in an Orginazation coat, bashing off Rapid Thrusters. Some cutscenes later, the man in the cloak reveils himself. It is (trumruffle) XIGBAR!! But hey, wait... Xigbar uses two single-handed snipers... And if you look at Xigbar's fighting style a few minutes ago, he's just using another kind of weapon to get rid of the Rapid Thrusters. Sora also mentiones that it could be Riku who's under that cloak. So Xigbar always uses his single-handed snipers to fight, right? But he didn't at the Heartless onslaught. Who were you fighting alongside anyway? Could it really have been Riku?
This looks good! Not your best one, but it's really awesome! The eye, again is my fav part!:)
